Think Good Thoughts.
Hi! I'm Emily and I'm just like you!
I wish upon stars but my wishes never seem to come true. I ask a lot of questions. I miss obvious things. I hope too much and dwell too much on the past. I over think things. I'm weird. I laugh at the world and the world laughs at me. I say I don't care but inside I know I do. I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be. I love photography but cameras don't love me. I push people away because I am afraid to let people in. My biggest passion is traveling. Sometimes I'm completely normal while other times I'm absolutely abnormal. I live my life for God who gives me strength. I pray for everything. I do my best to please Him.
2nd Best.
I’m so confused.
I don’t understand how you can be so blinded by something that means so little. Yeah, I get it. Everybody thinks I’m a hypocrite….I say I don’t drink but am okay with it, I say I have faith when I’m losing it every second, I claim to be disappointed in people who give into peer pressure when that’s all I’ve done. I FREAKING GET IT. But let’s be honest here….you are so judgemental. Yeah, you. This isn’t directed at one person. It’s directed at, like, ten. You haven’t even given me a chance. The minute I let you in about the mistakes I’ve made and the changes that have taken over my life, you denounced me. Yeah, I whine alot. I whine about the situation…and I tell stories about my weekend adventures. Lots of stories, actually. But there’s more there than just being annoying…my life is changing. And not for the better. But if i’m tell you these things, it’s because for some odd reason you’re one of the few that I trusted and will always trust. I trusted you not to tell a soul…and you broke that trust. I know that you talk about it. I know about it all.
Because I went to one sketchy party suddenly you’re worried that everywhere I am is involved with something shady? NO. JUST FREAKING NO. what happened to the strength you had in not judging people? obviously i was wrong about that.
You want to know what else? Yes I am having fun. I’m having tons of fun. You want to know what else? This all sucks. I talk a lot about it….but nobody’s ever asked the questions that are unanswered. Because I’m not okay with this but, when I tell you that, you don’t understand why it is so hard to just walk away. I can’t explain it…it’s just hard.
But you’ve never bothered to just plain ask me if I’m alright. To take a step outside of your dramatic, clingy bubble and ask me how I’m doing with it all. To ask me how he’s ripped me to pieces and I can’t even look him in the eye anymore. To ask me how it’s gone further than anyone knows. To ask why I lied. To ask what lies I haven’t revealed yet. To ask if I’m going to make it through this. To ask if I’m okay.
Well, the answers to those questions is the explanation for my life lately. Not the pressure. Not the drinking. Not Ben. Not Bria. Not the lies. Not the rebelliousness. None of that matters….it’s become so much more than that and you don’t care to figure it out.
I don’t expect you to care. But I expect you to realize that it’s not always what it seems….you think you know everything but I haven’t told you the half of it. So, sorry, but maybe your judgements aren’t exactly justified. But I’m leaving.
Sucks to suck, ladies.
I don’t want to fight. That’s the very last thing I want. I love all of you. I really do. But seriously? Try to take a walk in the other person’s shoes for once.
2nd best……the title of the long blog to come. this is your warning.
